Spiritual Sex and Relationships - by Todd Schaefer

(Response to a post on a forum converted into an article.)

A profound spiritual connection can easily exist without sex. Nor is using sex required in finding that fullfilling connection. Many of my own spiritual friends have commented that they have had profound emotional intimacy develop between themselves and other people (or their partners) as they have continued to open up along their spiritual paths. In fact, the more emotional maturity we develop, the more we are able to be intimate and connect with others in non-sexual ways - not to mention, be able to sustain a mature relationship much more easily.

For me, a sexual connection is the result of sharing a spiritual connection - not the other way around. This learning has worked well for my own personal spiritual makeup. An attraction from the 'inside out' if you will, instead of the 'outside in.' Although, I have friends who swear by the spiritual connection that they derive from sex, and the resulting connection therein. Nevertheless, sex is just sex. A Course in Miracles says that we give meaning to everything. In other words, we determine the role that sex plays in our lives, and more emphatically, in our relationships.

My ideas on how sex has played a role in my life has changed over the years with more maturity, but I have always wanted it to be spiritual. I waited a long time, and then after those first experiences, I was celebate for 4 years. Mostly, I have "waited" until I was emotionally mature enough to handle it, not to mention the potential consequences of having sex.

I have before struggled with the continual balancing act of integrating the sexual vs the spiritual, because they seem to be diametrically opposed at first glance. In some regards, that may be true. But in others, it could be seen as untrue. What some of us have learned about sex (especially the baby boomer) has made us believe it to be unspiritual, enforcing ideas of guilt, and so on. Some people use sex to cover their own shame for countless reasons, or low-self esteem, or because it's the only way they feel they can connect emotionally. Being a powerful resource, sex can be a channel for healing - or dysfunction.

Again, sex in itself, has no shame. Sexual energy is something that is very challenging for many people to master, even spiritually speaking. Because sexual energy is so powerful, I would have to say that to introduce sex as a means of connection into any relationship would be healithiest when implemented by individuals who are very grounded and have a strong emotional intelligence developed within themselves, hence transcending why they might decide to use sex in their relationship. Of course, that's only one way to learn. But there are countless other ways, all with beneficial outcomes.

Now, that is just how I've perceived and grown and what I've learned. It's certainly not the only way to enjoy sex or use it in your life. Being too pragmatic about sex in our daily lives can make sex all but unappealing. Personally, I like intimacy, and feel it to be an important part of my own connection to my partner. Each of those small little things (which matter to women, by the way) are tidings of spiritual love. All of which make the actual sexual connection greater in the relationship.

In daily life, sex can result from our feelings, or our libido, or our ego. It can be very useful for bonding people together, whether spiritually, emotionally, or literally physically. Sex is designed to work for everyone. Yet because of its strong power, I would venture to say that to experience the real truthful benefits of sexual energy, one would have to evolve past the 1st and 2nd chakras in their bodies and awareness. Once beyond this stage of development, sexual energies (not necessarily sex) can be harnessed and used for higher spiritual connection with self and others and the Universe, instead of merely more sexual arousal. Probably the most important thing about sex in any long term spiritual relationship, in my opinion, is that one person's ideas about sex match their partner's ideas.

Everyone is looking for love underneath it all, no matter how open or closed they are. There are many people looking for something real and fulfilling. By practicing for yourself what you want to have in a relationship by allowing those intimate feelings to be felt, you'll likely attract the type of fullfillment you desire more quickly in your intimate connections, sexual or not. Simply put, it's about building on what we feel, not on what we don't feel.

Sexual energy (and sex) is something to be respected, above all. I'm no expert on it, by any means. But I can say that with reverence and consciensciousness, we can learn to gain the spiritual benefits of our growing experiences with sexual energy with every chapter in our lives that we open up to.

(c)2008 Todd Schaefer
http://www.soulsolutionshealing.com